The good news is, I have continued losing weight despite some very serious issues and adversity in the past weeks. My dad was in the hospital, my niece was hurt, and a variety of other things happened, but I kept on going to the gym and watching what I ate (with a few exceptions here and there). However, lately I've been dealing with an extremely difficult issue, and it is really effecting me in a variety of ways. I am going through that profound grieving experience that accompanies loss - I am enduring a break-up.
Now, to be honest I broke up with her, and despite the shock and pain I am feeling today, I think it was the right move in the end. She and I were not right for each other for a variety of reasons, and I really truly do realize this. However, that said, I was blindsided because when she was yelling and screaming, crying and ranting, I was actually listening and I found compassion in my heart for her. Instead of sticking with my guns, I decided to give her another chance.
Unfortunately, I didn't really check-in with her on whether she wanted another chance, and thus I found myself dealing with the terrible pain today of "THE END". Personally, I had thought we had gotten back together, and so I was really excited to give it another try. I still had some misgivings, but I know that relationships are like anything else in life, and you only get out of them what you put into them. Sadly, she was only really willing to put a week in, and then she vanished. Shortly thereafter, aka today, I found out there was another guy, and my sadness and hurt are bigger than my belly was at the beginning of this whole process.
On a positive note, despite my urge to lie in my bed and cry all day long, and despite my urge to eat candy and cookies and just cry away my misery all day as I hide in food... I have not given into that temptation. I am still keeping my eyes firmly on the prize, and I am still dedicated to reaching my goal of 225 by May 15th. The day that I do, I am going to happily post the picture on here and be proud of what I accomplished, despite everything that was going on at the time.
Outside of that trauma and drama, things are going okay. I've been doing a better job shopping for food, and I have been watching past seasons of "The Biggest Loser" for both inspiration and to distract myself for a bit/maintain my sanity. My clothes are fitting better, and I'm starting to fit into things that I haven't worn in recent memory. Fitness-wise, the ankle is steadily getting better, and I actually walked on the treadmill for 107 minutes the other day - something I do not think that I have ever done in my life.
I'm really looking forward to hitting that 225 pound mark, and it will be especially sweet to know that I did so while dealing with all of this crap around me. It's a really sad time in my life, and I am very upset and hurt, but sticking to my weight loss plan has been a nice island amidst the turmoil and chaos of the rest of my life. One day at a time, just like losing weight... that's all I keep telling myself.
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